Before you judge me, I ask that you read the entire post. I am not saying that marriage doesn’t need work, won’t require work, isn’t… work.
This post may also not be applicable to the percentage of people who are indeed married to assholes… that is a whole other subject. However, on the whole, I am absolutely sick of nagging women (and men) about their crappy spouses. I get sick to my stomach listening to people talk about their spouse that is too incompetent to be able to take care of their kids and who is constantly failing at every little thing (most of which involves the ability to be a mind-reader). In this all too common ritual, people wait for me to add my two-cents about my spouse.
I don’t add anything. Rarely, I might laugh about how a clothes-hamper can be a foot away, yet my spouse might drop his clothes next to the hamper on the floor. That is it… that is the largest of my complaints about my spouse. And one that is clearly not a source of contention in our marriage.
So why don’t I have a complaint list about my spouse? It isn’t because he is perfect… it is because I know that I certainly am not either. I think relationships require less work when you can look at a situation and question yourself first.
A lack of appreciation for your spouse causes all sorts of issues. I truly believe that it is the ultimate cause of divorce. If people appreciated each other more, people wouldn’t be as likely to cheat, to lie, or to become unhappy in the relationship or as an individual.
I have always said, “It is a lot easier to love someone when you can appreciate them for who they are, instead of how you think they ought to be.”
The next time that you think about wanting to nag on your spouse, pick a fight, make a comment of what you would like them to do or how you would like them to be, Think SLAP (ha, no – don’t slap your spouse): STOP. LOOK inward. ASK yourself why you want him/her to be something that they aren’t? Is it petty? Is it an internal problem with yourself that is coming through externally? Is it insecurity? Are you a power hog? Do you feel the need to own him/her? Do you like when your spouse treats you that way? POSITIVE Redirect: think about all of the good things in your spouse. Do you really want to continue to push him/her away?
- Look Inward
- Ask yourself
- Positive Redirect
If you choose to see the beauty in your differences and acknowledge how those differences can strengthen your marriage, raise better children, and make you a better person – you will experience more satisfaction in your marriage and in having to live with yourself (because nobody feels good about being a negative person).
I believe a strong marriage involves two people who are excited to witness each other’s lives. That doesn’t always mean sharing every moment together. It doesn’t mean molding the person into your ideal version of them. It involves two people who want to help each other reach goals, dreams, hopes, and desires. A great marriage helps take the weight of the world off of each other’s shoulders and helps carry the burden.
If you are constantly wanting to change your spouse – be careful, because eventually you won’t recognize him/her. They won’t be the person you fell in love with in the first place ; that person will no longer exist.
So, I won’t work on my marriage… I’ll continue to work on myself. I’ll continue to improve on being a wife, being a lover, being a friend. I’ll continue to work on how I treat my husband, my thoughts towards my husband, and the way I communicate with my husband. And, I’ll continue to reap the rewards of witnessing his life and enjoying this person I’ve been blessed with in which I get to share my life.